Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
