So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
