so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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