just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
This toilet bowl is my home.
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