I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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