She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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