i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Operation Purity has been aborted
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
sex in a hospital.. check
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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