i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
