So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
