I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
