this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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