dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
