I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
