Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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