i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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