He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
