Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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