I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
