If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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