someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
