we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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