1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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