how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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