all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
