i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
