He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
