he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
