I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
