I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
