I got chris browned last night
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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