i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
