he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
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