it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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