HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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