I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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