How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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