Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
this is an emotional support booty call
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
