You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
