More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
All the doctor said was why
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
