1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
