in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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