who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
