I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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