Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
