Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
