So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
