i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
