Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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