i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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