do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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