I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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